butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
