so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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