What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
