The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My vagina is very pro this idea
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