3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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