oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize