The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize