No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
