I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
