the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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