Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
