Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
