This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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