i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
