Say something about gay babies.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize