Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
