I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
