I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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