Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
