...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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