My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
