Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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