he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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