just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
