Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he puts the penis in happiness.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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