i don't like sucking hair
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
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