so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
