I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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