I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
