I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Randomize