I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
