I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
