she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
