Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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