So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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