you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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