Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
