Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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