Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
