when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
