dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
