I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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