I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
