we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
