You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
