It's Friday. Sex?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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