i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude i'm inner monologue high
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
