Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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