Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
