I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
