After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
