Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
