shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
