I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
