you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
