Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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