How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
