A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
