just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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