k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
thus making me awesome and them whores
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
why does every cop we meet know your name?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
