I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
