No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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