you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
