It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
