I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
