He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
