I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
