You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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