when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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