wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
