I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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