You're my little dorito
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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