You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
