I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
