I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
