Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
